Depression: a pastor’s wife comes out of the dark	by Mary Southerland
Truth three: We must recognize the factors that can lead to depression. Many factors can trigger or lead to depression. Since I am not an expert in the medical or psychological world, I will just share the major ones that I experienced.   Factor one: A lack of replenishing relationships   The “pit” of depression is a place of isolation and loneliness where relationships have been mishandled or poorly developed.   I love the story of a little girl who was terrified of storms and the dark. One night she was jolted awake by a noisy summer storm rumbling through her neighborhood. She desperately tried to be brave and face her fears alone.   But with every crash of thunder and each bolt of lightening her resolve weakened until finally she cried out in the darkness. Her father, hearing her cry, jumped out of bed and raced down the hallway to her room. Gathering her into his arms he whispered, “Don’t be afraid, honey. Everything is all right and God will take care of you.”   In tears she looked up at her father and said, “Daddy, I know that God loves me and will take care of me but right now, I just need somebody with skin on.”   And we do. We were created to need each other. A shared load is a lighter load. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to “encourage each other and give each other strength.” Relationships are a vital part of life. There are three kinds of relationships in our lives:   Replenishing relationships. The literal meaning of “replenish” is “pump up.” Replenishing relationships give back, making life fuller and richer.   Neutral relationships. The literal meaning of “neutral” is “colorless or vague.” Neutral relationships are merely present in your life. They are not replenishing or draining, but take up valuable emotional room and energy.   Draining relationships. The literal meaning of “draining” is “exhaust” or “deplete.” Draining relationships literally suck the life out of you. I call these people “emotional black holes” because it really doesn’t matter how much time or energy you give them, it will make no difference.   Emotional health is like a bank account; the withdrawals and deposits determine the balance. We become unbalanced when we make too many withdrawals and not enough deposits. When we do not pursue replenishing relationships and continually throw our limited emotional resources and ourselves away in one emotional black hole after another, we will experience emotionally bankruptcy.   It is very easy to become emotionally overdrawn and overspent! We can be so busy with ministry that we lose sight of the basic truth that our most important replenishing relationship grows from the intimacy we were created to enjoy in Jesus Christ.    In other words, we can become so wrapped up in His work that we fail to be wrapped up in Him! This was exactly what I had done. My outward journey had become more important than my inward journey toward the heart of God.   Factor two: A poor self-image   Psalm 40:2 says that the pit of depression is filled with “mud.” It is the idea of an unclear or dirty picture of who we are. I had spent my whole life trying to earn the approval and love of God, others and myself through my religious performance. I tattooed an “S” on my chest, declared myself “Super-woman” and signed up for full-time ministry! That faulty understanding led to wrong priorities, unrealistic expectations, a constant practice of self-condemnation and a whole lot of stress! I was trying, with every breath, to be all things to all people. When I failed, I collected the pain and hurt of that failure as proof that I was unworthy and of little value. In the darkness God showed me that He loves me, not because I am lovable, but because He is Love and simply cannot help Himself! He delights in me! I am the apple of His eye and He adores me! His love for me is totally dependent upon who He is, not what I do or don’t do.   Many times we try to serve Him with gifts that we do not have.  During my “pit experience,” I learned that God always empowers us for what He calls us to do. He does not call the equipped. He equips the called.   God empowers and gives us everything that we need to accomplish what He created us to do! When we step out of that empowerment, we are stepping into our own strength, depending upon our own resources. Those resources are very limited! Our human “batteries” will soon be depleted and the pit of burnout and depression is just around the corner.   When my son, Jered, was ten years old he wanted a remote control car for Christmas. I hit every toy store until I found just the right car. I even put batteries in the car so that it would be ready to go the minute he opened it. On Christmas morning, Jered hopefully tore into his last package under the tree. When he realized that it was his dream car, he threw his arms around me and said, “Thanks, mom. Can I go outside and play with it?” I had nailed it - the perfect Christmas memory.   After cleaning up I went outside to watch. Stepping into the garage I saw my “perfect” gift going in short spurts and small circles on the driveway. I couldn’t believe it! That car was only minutes old, had cost a bundle and should NOT be going in circles and spurts! Jered saw my face and quickly said, “Don’t worry mom. It just needs new batteries. The directions say that when the batteries are weak the car will go in circles and short spurts.”   And so it is with life. In our desperate attempts to be who we think we should be instead of discovering who God created us to be, we waste life energy going in circles and short spurts. We listen to the wrong voices. We bow to the wrong expectations. I encourage you to evaluate your relationships, determine your emotional balance and discover who you really are in His eyes. To identify and deal with the factors in your life that trigger depression is an important part of your journey out of the pit into the Light. A third factor that can lead to depression is past experiences and how we deal with them. The “mire” mentioned in Psalm 40:2 literally means “sediment at the bottom.” When my children were small, we would pack a picnic lunch and head for the nearest beach!  Their favorite game was to see who could hold a beach ball under the water for the longest time.  They would wade out into the ocean, push the ball under the water and begin to count.  Soon their arms would tire, or the beach ball would escape their control, popping to the surface.  This is exactly what happens to the “mire” in our lives.  The “sediment” or “junk” that we have never dealt with settles at the bottom of our souls, occasionally popping up until we finally run out of energy to keep it submerged.  It then works its way to the surface spilling its ugliness and darkness over every part of our existence.  “Mire” comes in all shapes and sizes!   • Buried pain • Unresolved anger • Hidden sin • A great loss   My father died when I was four years old, forcing my mother to sell the farm they had spent years building and move to the small nearby town of Brownwood, Texas.   There, Mom worked as a waitress at night while attending nursing school during the day.  Even after becoming a nurse, she cleaned houses in order to support my brother, sister, grandmother and myself.    When I was five years old, Mom began a twenty-year battle with cancer that was filled with “mire.” I had never really dealt with the loss of my mother or faced some very painful parts of my past. I began to look back over my life realizing that I had painted a picture in my heart and mind of how I wanted my childhood to be - not how it really was.    In the following weeks and months, the Lord and I sifted through the enormous pile of “mire” that had settled into my spirit and life.  Together we faced experiences that I had carefully locked away until they slammed into my heart and mind with a breathtaking force and fresh pain; an alcoholic father, a trusted family doctor who molested me, times of loneliness and rejection, haunting failures, unreasonable fears that were never spoken.  It seemed as if the flood of memories would never end!    But God is good.  He gives us a defense mechanism for those experiences that are beyond our ability to face.  He gently tucks them away until He can mercifully bring us to the place where we are able to deal with them.    When we bury pain alive, it keeps popping up at unexpected moments. It must be dealt with and then buried … dead! We must confront our past, straining every experience through the truth that “all” things work together for our good until we grasp the seed of victory that each pain holds.    When my daughter was in kindergarten she had a very creative science teacher!  One day I picked Danna up from school and could tell that she was very excited about something.  She had just come from science class and had her very first experiment to do all by herself. She hopped in the car and chattered happily all the way home about seeds that her teacher had given her to plant. A detailed plan unfolded as Danna explained what it would take to make the seeds grow.   Then I saw them.  She proudly opened her little hand to reveal a wadded up paper towel filled with broken and mismatched seeds, announcing that they would be so beautiful when they bloomed.  I took one look at the seeds and knew that they could not possibly produce anything remotely close to a plant.    “Danna,” I said, “if they don’t grow we will go to the store and buy brand new seeds.”  With a look of total disgust she proclaimed, “Mama, they will grow because I prayed for them to grow.”  At this point I am asking God if He is aware that His reputation is on the line with my daughter.  He did not seem concerned.    When we got home, Danna jumped out of the car and headed to the front yard with a paper cup.   She scooped up dirt from the one flowerbed that I had, in total desperation, filled with rocks because it refused to grow anything. Everything I had ever planted there died within a matter of days. Danna then marched into the house, explaining that the seeds needed water to grow.  Turning the kitchen faucet on full blast she stuck the paper cup under the rushing stream, watching the dirt and seeds spill into the sink.    Pleased with her progress, she sauntered outside to the screened in porch and placed the cup on the patio table so that it could get sunshine.  When I mentioned that there is no sunlight on the porch and suggested that she move her seeds to a spot with better light, she seemed totally unconcerned and cast a look of pity on her faithless and obviously misinformed Mother. I gave up!  “God, you are on your own!” I thought.    Several days passed and I forgot about the seeds until one afternoon while preparing dinner I glanced out the kitchen window. There, in the middle of my doubts, sat a soggy, crumpled paper cup filled with green sprouts! I ran to Danna’s room shouting, “Danna, your seeds grew!  Your seeds really grew!”  She looked up at me with the beautiful eyes of childlike faith and calmly said, “I knew they would.”    Listen my friend, never be surprised at what God can do with just one tiny, broken seed.  The will of God admits no defeat!  The will of God penalizes no one!  We can allow our past to defeat us or we can choose to harness that past and use it for power in our lives today!    Those painful experiences that we try so hard to bury can be changed from the quicksand of defeat into stepping stones of victory and healing.  God takes every “broken seed” and creates new life.    What past experiences have become the footholds of darkness in your life today?  Face them now.  Deal with them immediately and bury them.  You have just taken another step out of the darkness into the light of restoration. Next: How to deal with your past.
-   What it is and Whom can suffer from it -   Factors that trigger or lead to depression Introducere  - Sistemul nervos, capodopera creatiei divine  - Un sistem nervos obosit  - Fragilitatea nervoasa congenitala  - Nervozitatea de origine psihica